For those of you that follow my blog, you know that I have been very depressed lately. But I am beginning to wonder if I am possibly experiencing a mixed episode. I am decidedly depressed. I sleep for 12 or more hours a day, but the sleep is restless and I wake up several times a night (sometimes every hour or more). I toss and turn and have extremely vivid dreams.
I also have trouble falling asleep because of my racing, random thoughts. I am either obsessing over something I am worried about (finances, etc…) or my mind is just frantically going through an array of topics that I can’t even recall right now. Sometimes during the day, I have periods of time where I just cannot sit still and just pace around in my apartment aimlessly.
I think that I might be in a mixed episode because I have all of these symptoms and have occasional parts of the day where I’m inexplicably “up.” I am just so confused and frustrated. I haven’t been able to get much if any work done and I just feel like giving up on life sometimes (yes, I know, that is serious and I am seeing my care team regularly). Today, I barely got one article done for work and I had to strain to do that. It is another bad day in a string of mostly bad days. And I have to wonder if this will ever get better.