Depressive episodes almost always hit me out of nowhere. I still have trouble identifying all of my triggers and it seems like when bad things happen in my life, I get down and depressed. And I don’t realize that I am sinking into a depression until all of my energy is sapped and I can barely function.
Then, the real trouble begins. I can barely get any work done, my limbs feel heavy, and all I can do is sit or lay and stare at the TV or at the wall. That is where I am now. Even as I write this, I am so tired it feels like I am struggling to pull the words out of my mind and place them here.
I sit and stare at the screen, trying to figure out what to say. And then, if I think of something, by the time I put my fingers to the keyboard, I lose it most of the time. I stop in the middle of sentences, in the middle of thoughts. And I just…can’t…function. But I keep trying. Which is more than I can say I’ve done in the past. I may not be writing my articles for work, but I am writing here, which is a step in the right direction, I guess.
Hopefully this depressive episode will not last as long as they usually do, and I will be able to get my work done soon. But I suppose only time will tell and I just have to keep fighting even though I’m exhausted.